If you are anything like me (I feel sorry for you) than you often wonder what it would be like to be a monk. Well, if you haven’t, here are my Top 10 Monk Side Benefits that might be some neat reasons to check into this whole “monk” thing…

10. The Haircut

This may seem like a drawback to some people, but think of all the time and stress you will save knowing that you never have to think about what haircut or style you are going to get/maintain, because you will always have a sweet tonsure. Oh yeah, and if you dig bears, feel free to rock one because the Big Man seems to be down with facial hair.

Look at these fly dudes not giving a shit about some “instagram-worthy” hair style although that dude has a pretty savage beard.

9. Vow of Silence

Do you know someone that always finds the perfect opportunity to come and bother you when you finally get into the zone and are able to finally focus at work? Well, if you were a monk nobody would even have the chance to disturb you, because when you get down to the grind you have this handy vow of silence that keeps distractions at bay.

The smug looks on the faces of these dudes is one that says: “Yeah, I finished my work, and yeah, I didn’t have to hear about Angela in accounting’s singles cruise.”

8. The Robes

What’s your dress code? How about one that amounts to basically chilling in your pajamas all day everyday?

Roomy, pockets, timeless. Yeah, you’re jealous.

7. Judgement Free Zone

“Only God can Judge Me” – Although it is most often seen tattooed on the backs of white trash, it is a absolute truth if you live in a cloistered monastic community and you never have to fear that your peers think less of you because you might be chubby or not be up on the latest fashions.

These are dudes that are at peace with how they look because it does not matter at all.

6. The Clique

No matter what, you are always going to have your (monastic) bros and they are always going to have your back. And, seeing as you all decided to do this monk thing on your own free will, you probably have a lot in common.

Just dudes hanging together, having a great time, do cool stuff.

5. Rent-Free

How about living in a secluded mountain resort in some of the world’s most beautiful locations. Oh, and it’s free of charge too, some people pay small fortunes for a just a few nights in a place like this!

I dare you to call these unlivable, liar.

4. No Rat Race

Do you know what happiness is? I am not 100% certain, but not having to care about being able to pay your rent or gas bill probably has a big effect on that.

Look at these jolly dudes living it up while you wonder about how you are going to pay rent, let alone if you will ever be able to retire.

3. The Food

This might have a strong connection with #7 (by possibly causing it) but monks always have the best food that is available because they have lifetimes to dedicate to making those fancy loaves of bread and all of those cool cheeses that you can’t afford.

I’m hungry…

2. The Booze

This might be the secret reason why monks always seem to have that knowing smile on their faces. If you don’t know what a Trappist Beer is, you better go educate yourself.

Do you like artisan wines, strong Trappist beers, interesting varieties of schnapps? Well, I have good news for you…

1. Getting Laid

“What?!” you may be thinking, but being a monk is like being at summer camp, for your entire life, and if there is one thing that you should have learned from teen sex comedies (or horror movies) that take place at summer camps, is that people get laid all the fucking time. Now, if you are thinking that this is an exclusive “boy’s” camp, well, maybe you forgot about the girl’s camp across the lake that is filled with a bunch of nuns that are as “sexually repressed” as you are…

Tell me these are not people having fun…

…and hey, if that monk thing doesn’t work out for you, you can always go rogue and become a legendary monk-pirate


I hope you hated this list!