So I was looking up some new cocktails to try and I now regret doing it a lot. Anyway, here is a list of some specific and more general cocktails that you find a little odd…

10. Monkey Gland

This odd-sounding drink is actually pretty normal, but it’s namesake is nothing but normal. In France in the 1920’s there was a Russian “Doctor” who popularized the grafting of monkey testes to humans to improve “virility” which almost makes all of those Chinese dudes snorting Rhino horn powder look sane.

Wait, what?
This is probably closer to what you were expecting.

9. Sourtoe

In a hotel in the far Northern reaches of Canada you can order a very “special” type of drink… So apparently a dude lost a foot to frostbite and to mark the occasion they kept it in a jar of bourbon, sometime later someone came up with the idea of putting it in the bottom of a glass and drinking the drink, letting the “sour” toe touch the lips. Yeehaw?

Why yes that is a dead person’s toe sitting in the bottom of that drink that someone drank and it is a “cultural artifact” and not “gross” like you think, except it is totally gross.

8. Beer Bourbon BBQ Cocktail

I understand that sometimes the idea of combing things we love can be attractive, but this is a case of taking that a little too far. If you ever find yourself watering-down barbecue sauce to make it more fun to drink, you might want to take a few moments to reflect on some other choices that you have made recently…

These things were never really meant to be together in such an unholy alliance…

7. Vampiro

Much like it’s cousin above, this drink is an abomination of several nice things thrown together to make a monstrosity – forgive me please if you think orange juice should go with finely-chopped onions, honestly…

More than the fans of this drink, I question the sanity of the person who originally thought to mix one up…

6. Diamonds are Forever

This is actually a not-so-bad sounding drink, but it comes with $1347 price tag, which makes it, for me, more disgusting that the frostbitten toe drink.

Yeah, all I see is that this fucker costs more than my rent…

5. Roe Your Boat

Yeah okay, this one is really just for the people who think, you know what I want with my salty, gross fish eggs? Chocolate liquor. Well, okay, here you go.

4. Bloody Mary (…and friends…)

Well, tomato juice is bad enough, but did you know that there are dozens of varieties of the standard Bloody Mary? How about a Bullshot, which is a nice and salty mixture of beef broth and vodka.

If you ever find yourself assembling these ingredients…

3. Caesar

To many the Caesar is just a variant of the Bloody Mary, but let’s get this straight, clam juice is a whole level of complexity above and beyond beef broth…

The depraved madmen that harvest clam juice must rejoice that anyone would even consider drinking, let alone enjoying, their foul product.

2. Kalimotxo

It’s cola and wine, do I need to explain this?

COKE AND WINE HONESTLY WHY?!

1. Diesel

I got nothing.

Rekt.

I hope you hated this list!

Image Sources:
Monkey Gland: Drink, Monkey; Sourtoe; Beer Bourbon BBQ Cocktail; Vampiro; Diamonds are Forever; Roe Your Boat; Bullshot; Caesar; Kalimotxo; Diesel

Posted on By lardqueen Ramblings Posted in Ramblings Tagged #

lardqueen

...the room is dark, lit only by a lone torch burning in a wall sconce. The smokiness from the torch mixes with a pungent odour of mildew and rot. You can hear the movement of rodents and insects around you, but none of that is nearly as disturbing as the occasional shake of the ground and rumbles that you hear from far below...