The one day Vacation

Recently I took a short vacation, in scheduled and it took place instead of a stream. It was an outing that I did not know that I needed. And I am grateful.

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Top 10 Final Fight Foods

Man, I hope you know about 1989’s best arcade game, Final Fight.

It is a beat ’em up style game, wherein the player (or two) controls a character who must fight, primarily in an unarmed fashion, through a series of stages each filled with several antagonists. Like the player-controlled character, the antagonists primarily fight in an unarmed fashion and usually have a sub-leader of sorts who is typically more powerful.

In this particular game, the plot concerns the kidnapped daughter of a city’s mayor, and rather than using legal means, the mayor decides to confront the kidnappers through a series of fisticuffs and brawls. The mayor, Haggar, has a pair of associates, Cody and Guy. There is a lot of backstory and relationship lore, but you can read about that elsewhere.

This is about food. The food. This is really going to redefine what “street food” really is.

The food that the player-controlled characters use to regain health. It doesn’t make a lot of “real-world” sense, but it is what it is. As a youth I really enjoyed the mechanic, and as an adult, I tend to just want burgers and steaks all the time, so I am still drawn to it.

So anyway, there are several food items that appear in the game and these are my favourites, each accompanied by a screenshot. Enjoy.

10. Grapes

Man, I hate grapes. I mean, they’re okay, I guess, but I usually prefer them mashed up and fermented. Those grapes in that screenshot though, they do look nice. Just ignore the sapphire ring, whole cooked chicken, pipe-wielding man, likely dead person, and the fact that they are on the carpet of a high-rise luxury condominium. Easy. Grapes.

9. Cola

Ignore the fact that Andre the Giant is piledriving a dude while on a subway. Also ignore the wooden barrel on the subway. I mean, let’s focus on the (definitely not a popular and famous brand) can of “cola” on the floor there. I like cola, but it doesn’t quite make a meal, but if you were just slammed into the ground by a legendary wrestler, it might just hit the spot.

8. Orange; 7. Hot Dog

Hey, are you just bunching these two together because they are in one convenient screenshot?! Yes. I mean, I guess I could have cropped out the individual foods, but I didn’t want to ruin the aesthetic of the screenshot. Whatever. Anyway, the orange would normally appear as number nine with the grapes, but well, happenstance. I normally really like hot dogs, but man, this one doesn’t really have too appealing of a look to me, so it languishes back here in the number seven spot. Just imagine what it would be like to eat that hot dog off of the ground in a public park where a group of people are fighting, bleeding, sweating, and dying. Tasty.

6. Whisky; 5. Burger

Another combined screenshot?! Well this one is actually pretty much where I want it to be. Normally I don’t consider beverages to be a food, but look at that seductress laying there on the ground, just begging to be opened and consumed… Ahem… Yeah, I mean whisky goes well with a brawl and it seems fitting to me to take a break from being kicked in the testicles to enjoy a fine sippin’ whisky. Oh man, to me, that burger is in strict contrast to the number seven hot dog. Just by looking at that burger can I imagine the soft, fresh bun; the juicy beef, crisp lettuce… Mmmmm…

4. Steak

Man, I am really fond of steak. Am I fond enough to eat a random plate of steak from the piss-soaked concrete of an alley behind a nightclub where an Asian man is puking his guts out after being drop-kicked? Yeah, I don’t know about that. I’ll give it a solid maybe. Anyway, this plate of steak somehow has a special appeal for me, the grill marks, the small garnish, the fact that there are no utensil with which to eat it, everything about it is perfect. Also, that bottle of whisky right next to it might make a great pair for it. Alley steak, anyone?

3. “Barbecue”

Man, here it is, an example of “meat” that seems to exist only in the realm of imagination. I don’t think there is any cut of meat that even resembles that, maybe like a weird slice of thigh on the femur, but yeah, I don’t know. Maybe because it looks like the “bait” from the original Legend of Zelda, or maybe it is just the mysterious origin of the meat, but man, I always wondered what it taste like. Also, it is a true barbaric severing, it must be at least ten solid pounds of meat on a tiny plate, and like the steak, this is a handheld meal. Dig in, just forget that it is on the ground in what looks like the worst ghetto neighbourhood in the world, maybe it comes with a free AIDS syringe.

2. Chicken

Ever get really hungry when you are cruising the dockside washroom? No? Oh, okay… Anyway, here is a whole roast chicken just waiting to sate your hunger?

1. Gum

See that blue dot? That’s gum. That’s gum that was recently spit out by that hairy-chested cop. That’s recently spit-out gum that you can eat. Think. About. That. THINK. I don’t know what I like more, that it exists, or that someone thought that it would be a good idea to have a cop spit out gum and then allow your character to eat the gum to regain health. As far as I am concerned that is a mental exercise that should be worth university credit. …maybe. Anyway, the gum’s there, free for the taking! Maybe it still has flavour?! Oh, extra credit: imagine chewing the gum, tasting the saliva, the grim from the street, the grittiness, yeah, imagine really good…

Well, there it is, my list. Honourary mention is can of beer, but in my playthrough I couldn’t get a decent screenshot, so it was relegated to non-existence. Anyway, feel free to vote i the poll and show the world how badly you want to eat that gum…

Feel free to leave a comment with suggestions for arcade game Top Tens, playthroughs, reviews, or other articles.

Virtual Oktoberfest

So Oktoberfest 2020 is officially cancelled. That sucks, I guess, I have never been, but I guess I like the idea of drinking a lot of beer and eating pretzels. Of course, there are other attractions at Oktoberfest, and well, the spy-robot that lives in my house does refer to me as Filthy Degenerate.

Anyway, I know what you are here for, don’t worry, if anyone judges you, they are simply judging you positively based on your excellent taste. Whatever, I’ll put some facts in here so you can act like you aren’t here for the pictures.

Not that you can see it, but she’s wearing a dirndl.
Nice pretzel. In Germany they call them Brezels. There, you learned something, this now qualifies as an educational article; I’m applying for government funding.
Those glasses are called steins. I want one ten.
The photographer of this one clearly understands the value of angles and positioning.
It may suck in poker, but two pair is perfectly fine with me.
Challenge accepted.
…also this challenge.
There is a law in Germany relating to the brewing of beer, it is called the Reinheitsgebot, literally: “purity order” that the only ingredients used for the brewing of beer must be Barley, Hops and Water. Cool.
The German word for “cleavage” is “dekollete.”
Apparently they serve a lot of beer at Oktoberfest, 7.7 million litres in 2013, if you believe Wikipedia.
Oktoberfest is a multi-day event, 16 usually. Can you handle it? Can your liver?
So it seems that the top-down angle is a popular one. We may never find out why.
Blue and white are the colours of Bavaria, more specifically, the checks are representative of the flag.
There is some correlation between beer consumption and breast growth. Uh, just doing research, you know..?
Oh, there are men at Oktoberfest?
Here’s a horse. You’re welcome.

No copyright claimed on any image. Last two from Wikipedia, the others are difficult to source and widely available on the internet.

Sexy Foreigners

You can refer to me as a sellout, shill, or whatever else you want (pathetic, jealous, burger-hungry bottom-feeder?) but let’s get one thing straight, I like Burger King. I don’t know how much travel you do (or really anything about you anonymous reader) but if you have ever been to a familiar (assuming you are probably from North America) fast food outlet in a foreign land, you will find that they have some interesting local twists on the usual.

Anyway, here are some of those sexy foreign burgers that you can get from various Burger Kings throughout the world.

Okay, kind of pedestrian, but the fun is just getting started. These are from Germany. I know it is a fast food advertisement, but if you can look at these three sandwiches and not feel a stirring in your loins I think you should probably seek psychiatric help.
Oh, what are King Fries?! They look good! I know “schnitzel” is probably just a marketing term for “breaded fried chicken” but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t actually sound better. Note that the “bacon” here is 100% chicken, probably because this is from Israel, if the text didn’t give it away.
The “Stacker” isn’t too interesting, but the “Titanica” definitely sounds awesome, but somehow the “MEGA CHORISTACKER” is what really grabbed my attention here. If you want to try one (like I do!) you will have to travel to Peru for it.
Probably going to be real bacon on these bad boys from Denmark. Bacon! ON THE BUN. These are probably so greasy that you can eat the two dozen napkins you will need to sop it all up (yum!).
Aloha Hawaiians from, of course, Hawaii! Fiji! I know there is a big debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza, but is there one about whether pineapple belongs on a burger!?
Yeah dog, I don’t know if you knew, but turquoise and red is one of my favourite colour combintions, so whatever that weird bubble-tea-soda monstrosity is, I want to try it. Hopefully these chicken fries from China don’t have bat.
Whoa, this deal from Turkey comes with a Nogger! uh… No comment.
My dudes, can you seriously look at these filthy, degenerate offerings and not crave one?! I never knew Indonesia liked cheese so much!
Uh, well, Mexico, you do you, I guess.
Japan always seems to have the coolest exclusives. Did you know what makes this really cool? This is an all-you-can-eat Burger King event. Yes, all-you-can-eat one-pound burgers. You need to reserve your spot, buy a ticket in advance, and be ready to go at the specified a-y-c-e time frame. Good thing they are in Japan, because I would bankrupt them.
Korea is upping the ante here, a whopper with crab AND shrimp. Yeah, I have never had (or seen for that matter) a burger with crab OR shrimp, and here the Koreans have this like it is an everyday thing! …but wait, that isn’t the best thing from Korea, check out…
What?! Guinness and Burger King have a collaboration?!!!? In Korea?! Well, if that Guinness sauce isn’t enough, it has one of those stylish black buns. Me wanty.
Sorry Kim, only in South Korea… 😦

There you go. I hope you liked looking through some of Burger King’s foreign offerings!

All images copyright of their respective owners, links provided under each image. All images saved/screenshot on 15Sep20.

Meme Dump #7