Some people don’t like when the Yuletide season
“starts too early” but well, you are going to have to deal with it, because it is the best season and earlier is always better!
If you are one of those stick-in-the-muds that gets annoyed with a pre-December Christmas showing, well, these vintage cards (
and my patented snarky comments) are sure to get you in the mood! …and if you are already in the mood, add another shot to your egg-nog and lets get these m-f’ing halls DECKED y’all! Oh boy. I didn’t know that my present-wrapping style is a classic technique! Look at this mess, it just needs some random bits of Scotch tape sticking out to be perfect! Santa…are you, hitch-hiking? Did Mrs. Claus throw you out for getting a little too friendly with an elf? Well, you still have a smile on your face, good luck on your journey with that suitcase… Oh yeah, one of my favourite types of Santa Claus, “Santa with a Pipe.” Just what is in that pipe my dude? I see that “knowing tap” on the nose, Merry Blazemas! Oh yeah, look at this! If the pipe Santa above wasn’t good enough, check out this Santa Claus sippin’ from a solid gold pimp cup! Look at that delicate pinky raise, the glaze on the eyes, and whatever beverage he has is straight fire, look at that smoke! Sometimes the gift-delivery game is a harsh mistress; here we see Santa Claus eschew his traditional red garments for the winter woodland disruptive green camouflage.Get ready for some Metal Gear styled tactical gift insertion! Santa, on a donkey? Well, it is more common than you think! If you are Italian-American you may have heard of “Dominic The Donkey” and if haven’t, get ready for his song to be your new favourite Christmas Song; you’re welcome. Yeah man, I don’t know, but this short ultra-patriotic American Santa is exactly what I picture when I close my eyes and think of Christmas. …or maybe not, but he’s cool in his own sad-faced way. Yes! Do you know what that mystery sphere is? It is a Christmas Pudding, which happens to be a booze-soaked cake. Oh baby, it looks tasty and that happy Santa looks like he is going to far exceed his daily recommended calorie intake with that bad boy! Torch, wooden shoes, is this the Netherlands Sinterklaas? Actually no, because that’s art by Jenny Nystrom who is Swedish and a legend of Christmas Art. Maybe it is a good thing, there are a few contentious issues with Dutch Christmas… I was just in such a Jenny Nystrom mood I decide to have another one her pieces, look here is Santa with his traditional Christmas Goat?! Just like with the donkey, reindeer aren’t always the default! …and hey, sometimes Santa doesn’t have any animal/s and has to haul everything himself, look at this intrepid Santa with his ladder! Behold, Santa Wizard! Look at his Christmas Tree Staff, Wizard Cowl, and his elite Uruk-Hai followers! A new power is rising! Blue?! I guess Santa Claus learned to fly with the Air Force, because he is reppin’ the traditional colour of the flyboys. Ad astra! OH F*CK! Santa has had enough of our shit! Looks like we will be “giving” the gifts to Santa this year… …or else! A fat .38 and a finger on the trigger, better just do what he says!
I hope you are feeling more festive now, and if not,
I don’t care!
*yes I know it is a penny farthing and not a unicycle all images public domain from wikimedia commons or publicdomainpictures